Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
