Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
