i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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