Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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