Apparently you make a good broom.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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