i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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