speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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