I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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