i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
