FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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