best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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