So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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