My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
