i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
