NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
