If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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