I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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