I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Randomize
