you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize