I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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