Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
