he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
