I just made out with a guy for $7.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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