shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
where am i from again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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