just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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