Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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