Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
