Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
