wakey wakey hands off snakey
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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