Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
