I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
