um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
