You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ok first of all what the fuck
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
