PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
