The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize