yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
