After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
