Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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