I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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