how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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