Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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