just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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