i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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