We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
