i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
