Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
