i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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