when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize