I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize