Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize