Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
