Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
