I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
