when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
