Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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