i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
