Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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