Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize