we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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