Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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