Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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