I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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