i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
